Love Is Broken
by otownsangel
Summary: When Spike is accidentally killed in battle while trying to protect Buffy, the Slayer is devastated... Then, her dreams tell her that something's coming, and Buffy gets the surprise of her life...
1. Prologue

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Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters… At least not the ones from the show… blah, blah, blah… You know the drill…  
  
  
  
~*~Hey, thanks to everybody who reviewed… I really appreciate it. Sorry this has taken me so long. I finally got the prologue done! LOL… Anyway, hope ya like it and drop me a review if ya get the chance. I'd like to hear the good and bad… Can't get better without constructive criticism, right? Or ya could just flat out tell me it sucks… Either way… LOL. Okay, well, enjoy!~*~  
  
  
  
**Prologue  
**

  
_"Buffy, promise me you'll take care of him."  
Suddenly, looking up to see Spike standing in front of her, the sun shinning brightly behind him, Buffy became startled. Her eyes frantic, she reached out to cover him. Before she could do anything, though, his hands caught hers and he pulled her closer to him.  
"Promise me you'll never let anything happen to him."  
"To who, Spike?"  
"You'll see…" he whispered. "You'll see…"  
"Spike, what's going on?" Her eyes were frantic… Confused. What was happening? How was he standing there with the sun beating down on him?  
"This is heaven, Love… We're in heaven…" he replied, his fingers entwining with hers.  
It wasn't until that moment that she noticed their surroundings. The beauty of it suddenly sinking in, but none of it mattering. They were standing there on what seemed to be a never ending beach. The soft, warm white sand sparkled below them. The clear blue water lapped gently at their feet as the sun slowly began to set behind them, the nearly cloudless crystal blue sky becoming a breathtaking array of color. None of it seemed important, though. Without him standing there in front of her, she never even would've noticed. It would've meant nothing to her.  
"Spike, I…"  
He stopped her, raising a finger to her lips. "Shh…" he whispered, staring deeply into her eyes. "I know…"  
Tears welled in her eyes as she stared back into his. Could he really have known? When did he discover her feelings? She herself hadn't even been sure until it was too late. Maybe he really did know her better than she knew herself…  
"Protect him." His hand came to rest gently on her stomach. His words confusing her. Who was he talking about? "Love him."  
As the sun disappeared from sight, so did he.  
"Spike?" she questioned, the word nothing more than a tiny whimper. She didn't know what to do… Didn't know how to make him stay… Silent tears began to slid down her cheeks as she watched him fade away into darkness… Into nothingness… But just before he slipped from her view, she saw his lips form the words one final time.  
'I love you.'_  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Shooting up in bed, Buffy felt her heart racing. Her breathing shallow and ragged, almost… frightened. The darkness consumed her, tugging at her shattered heart. Quickly, she reached over to flick on the light, at the same time, reaching out for him. It was only at that moment that she realized how incredibly alone she was. A sob caught in her throat as her tears began to flow freely. Curling into a tight ball, Buffy cried herself to sleep, just as she had every night for the past two months…  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"You okay, Buffy?"  
It was Willow… Her eyes held a deep concern when she looked up to see her best friend entering the kitchen. Upon noticing Buffy's sad, bloodshot eyes, Willow's concern deepened and her eyes became questioning.  
"Oh, uh… Yeah. I'm fine." Buffy lied, glancing uneasily at her friend. No one knew… _No one_… Somehow, she had just never been able to gather the courage to let them know. Maybe she was still ashamed of her feelings for him. Honestly, even she didn't really buy that… But then why couldn't she confess to them that she had loved him? With all her heart she had loved him… And she wasn't ashamed. That wasn't it… couldn't be… No, she did know. Telling them meant admitting he was gone. It meant letting go. She wasn't ready for that… Not yet. Somewhere deep in her heart, she was still trying desperately to convince herself that any minute now he could walk through that door, just as he always had. If she said it… if she told her friends she had loved him with all her heart and soul… it meant he could never be the first to know. It meant realizing he would never know… Still, didn't they deserve to know? To know that she loved him and missed him with all of her being? It wasn't her place to keep this from them. They needed to know. They had been her closest friends… her family… for so long. Even Dawn didn't have a clue… Well, besides that tiny glimmer of hope she had always held for the Slayer and the vampire. Other than that, though, Buffy's little sister had no idea, and Buffy couldn't figure out why she was incapable of just letting it out and admitting it to them. Was she too afraid? Afraid of losing that last flicker of hope that was slowly being washed away by the ocean of sorrow and remorse she had been drowning herself in for so long. Maybe she was just terrified of reopening that ancient, yet familiar pain she knew all to well… Somewhere deep inside, whether she was willing to admit it to herself or not, she knew that was just it… She was terrified. Scared to death that if she allowed to words to pass through her lips, they would force her into the sudden, harsh realm of reality… He was gone. He was gone, and she was alone… Completely alone…  
"Buffy, come on, it's me… It's Willow. I can't stand seeing you like this. Please tell me what it is… Is it Spike? Is that still bothering you?"  
Just the sound of his name split her heart straight down the center once more. Fresh tears sprung to her already bloodshot eyes, but she blinked them away before Willow had a chance to notice.  
That night she had come home… the night he had gone… everyone had known instantly that things weren't quite right. At first, she had even let it show, how bothered she was by it… They all knew that she and Spike had developed a unique and caring friendship… Whether the Slayer herself was willing to accept it or not. It hurt terribly now to look back on their secret relationship. It tore her up inside… And somehow she felt the everyone knew what had been going on between them. Still, though, there was one other thing she had never told the others… How he had died. That was the worst of it all…  
  
  
**_::Flashback::  
_**  
_"Spike!"  
As she spun to stake the final vampire, Buffy called out to him. Where was he? It had been awhile since she'd seen him during the fight… In fact, she'd dusted at least 3 vamps since he'd caught her eye. At first, she just figured they had both been too caught up in all the slaying to notice one another, but now… Now, that worry which had been rooted deep inside her was suddenly beginning to break through her cool façade while she fought to keep herself from panicking.  
Glancing around frantically, she called his name again, searching… terrified. Then she saw him. There he was, lying motionless on the soft ground of the cemetery, his face pressed into the sharp green blades of torturously health grass. It seemed so surreal, the deathly image that lay spread before her frightened eyes. Still, as her heartbeat quickened, fear washed over her and hot tears sprung to her eyes. Slowly, hesitantly, Buffy approached him. He was lying there, so still… so motionless. Was he unconscious? That must be it. He wasn't dead… He couldn't be. It just wasn't possible. He was already dead. He was immortal. He wasn't dust. He couldn't be dead… Could he?  
"Spike?"  
Her voice was nothing more than a shallow whisper, saturated with fear and emotion. Carefully, she rolled him over onto his back and her arms remained firmly around him, as if begging his body to respond in some way, any way… She just needed to know that he was okay. Even with all the terror that had manifested itself inside her heart, nothing could ever have prepared her for what met her fear-ridden eyes. Tears began to pour freely over her cheeks as she stared… unbelieving…  
"Oh god… No… Please no…"  
Her voice shook, as did her hands as she reached out slowly, bringing her fingers to rest gently, tenderly on the wound in his chest.She didn't know how the other vampire had managed to get his hands on the sharp, splintered chunk of wood.Most of them were hardly even willing to get close to one, muchless use it. Right now, though, that didn't matter… What mattered now was Spike. His chest had been punctured, his heart penetrated. A thin track of blood had managed to escape from the corner of his lips and it was beginning to dry… Blood… There was blood everywhere. So much blood… Too much. Why? Why was he bleeding like this? Why wasn't he dust? Why wasn't he moving? None of it made sense…   
It was then that she noticed the warmth of his skin, the heat that still radiated from his body. He was warm… What was happening? This wasn't how it was supposed to be. The stake had punctured his heart! He should be nothing more than a pile of dust. Not that it would have made it any less painful for her, but at least it would have been comprehendible… Why was he warm? Why was he bleeding the way he was? He felt… he felt… human?  
Pulling his limp body closer to her with shaking arms, Buffy's body was wracked with uncontrollable sobs which could no longer be contained. The blood… There was so much blood… In spite of herself, she checked frantically, hopefully searching for a pulse. She knew there was none. Not because that wasn't the way it was supposed to be… Not because he was a vampire… He wasn't. She didn't know how it was possible, but somehow… Somehow he was hum. Her tears fell harder as she held him tighter, not wanting to let go… unwilling to believe. She hugged him to her as if her will alone could bring him back. Rocking him gently, yet frantically, she buried her face in his neck unsure of what more to do…  
_  
**_::End Flashback::_**  
  
"Buffy… Buffy?"  
Willow's concerned voice broke her from her silent, secret reverie. Startled by the sudden sound, she nearly dropped the coffee mug she held. Her whole body shaking, she set it back on the table, unwilling to risk shattering it, and made her way towards Willow. Quietly, she sighed as she slowly lowered herself into the seat across from the redhead. Running her unsteady hands through her golden blond hair, she blinked back more unwanted tears and hung her head in her hands. Just then, something suddenly came flooding back to her, invading her mind… His words… The words he had spoken to her in the dream…  
_'Protect him…' _Buffy's hand moved to her stomach as she lifted her head, her eyes wide with shocked surprise. _'Love him…'_  
Suddenly, it was all so clear. Her eyes widened slightly more as she looked up at Willow, the realization sinking in. Her mouth fell open with surprise as her eyes began to glaze over once again.   
"Buffy, what's wrong?" Willow's voice held a deep concern as she stared at her best friend, unsure of what to make of it. When Buffy stayed silent, her eyes filled with still more concern. "Buffy?"  
Looking up, still in shock, Buffy stuttered the words uneasily…  
"I… I think…" For a moment, she paused, drawing a long, deep breathe in order to calm her words. "I think I'm pregnant…"  
  
  
  
  
  
**~*~Right, like we didn't all se that coming… I'm terrible at this kinda thing… LOL… Okay, I'm gonna try to update and post chapter 1 soon… I've got it written up through chapter 6, I just haven't had the chance to type it up… 10th grade's a pain… Anyway, hope ya liked it, and thanks for takin' the time to read it… I really appreciate that.~*~**


	2. Chapter 1

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Disclaimer: It's not mine… Well, the story is, but the characters aren't…   
  
_Summary:_ Okay, this one's a little difficult to summarize, so bear with me... Somehow Spike was turned human. He's killed before anybody realizes it. Buffy... Well, if ya wanna know what happens to Buffy, you'll have to read... I'm not gonna give it *all* away...   
  
_Spoilers:_ None, really...   
  
_Rating:_ PG-13   
  
_Author's Notes:_ I know there's not really much to this chapter… I really don't like the way it turned out. I had to rewrite the entire second half 'cause originally I had written in another Slayer, but that took way too much explaining and I figured it'd be easier to just cut her out… But then I was a little pressed for time while I was writing it, and the part I had to rewrite turned out crappy… Oh well…  
  
_Distribution:_ If ya want it, take it, just give me credit… And, if ya could, let me know where it's going.   
  
_Feedback:_ You can send it to brock3005@aol.com or otownfan1520@yahoo.com.   
  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
  
**Chapter 1:**  
  
  
  
It had been nearly eight months since she'd found out for sure. At the time, she'd been lucky she hadn't already lost the child… Super powers or not, she was still human and carrying a child for two full months without knowing it, while on full time slayer duty? A lethal combination. Now, the baby was just a few days over a month old. It was a boy… A beautiful baby boy… William.  
  
His resemblance to his father was striking… Almost unbearable for her. He was theirs, both of theirs. So why wasn't Spike there with her? Why had he been torn away from her? Her and his son… It was so incredibly unfair. Not that she'd ever truly believed life to be fair, but this? This was too much, too harsh… too cruel. He had been human! The love of her life had somehow become human! Then, obviously so soon afterward, he was taken away from her… Ripped from her life. How many would she lose before this hell finally ended? Every time she fell in love, he would disappear. How, why, where… None of that was really relevant… Only that they were gone. She was always left without love. This time, though… This time it was so different. This time it wasn't just her…It was her son… _Their_ son.  
  
As her eyes filled with tears from the memory, she heard the tiny baby in her arms gurgling happily. Glancing lovingly at him, she smiled despite herself. Now that Spike was gone, he had become the most incredible thing in her life. The one and only thing that truly kept her going…   
  
Gently, she kissed the child's forehead before carefully tucking him into the crib that sat beside her own bed. Sighing as she moved away to flick off the light, Buffy crawled into crawled into her empty bed. She shifted uncomfortably as she listened to the soft, slow breathing of her son. Nowadays, it was about the only thing in this world that could calm her. William was the only thing she had left of Spike… Except for the memories, of course, but it seemed the only ones she could ever dig up were the ones of his death. That hurt more than anything… Knowing that the only memories she could ever manage to call up were the horrific images of his death that fateful night. How hard could she possibly have it? So she was the Slayer, big deal… That shouldn't mean she didn't deserve one, just one stable, normal thing in her life. Okay, so maybe the fact that he had been a vampire for a hundred and twenty something years was slightly out of the ordinary but hey, she was the Slayer… Alright, so that probably just made the whole situation even less normal, but at least it was stable… And loving. He made her happy… He made her _feel_. Didn't that count for anything? What would they take from her next? Her friends? Her sister? Her son? Simply the thought of losing her child… Of having him ripped from her life… It was unbearable. Again, her eyes welled with fresh tears. As they slid down her soft cheeks, Buffy slowly slipped into a restless slumber.   
  
  
~*~*~*~   
  
  
_The night was cold and starless. She moved gracefully along the white sand at her feet. There was no beach… No water. Only sand and the endless night. There she stood, the blinding darkness consuming her. Didn't it always? Her long white gown flowed down past her bare feet, the wind tossing her satiny golden blonde hair every which way.  
  
Cold. It was cold. There was a terrible chill. It hadn't been created by the air… It wasn't the billowing wind. It stemmed from somewhere deep within her… a darkness, an emptiness. She was alone… She didn't want to be alone… Didn't like it. Not here, not now. For so long, being alone, on her own, with nobody holding her back, it had been an outlet… A way to forget. Now it was just lonely, empty, terrifying. She wanted him beside her… Needed him with her…  
  
Then, there he was. A sudden presence… comfort. It was as if somehow, somewhere, he had heard her silent plea through the restricting darkness. She tried to turn to him, but he stopped her. His strong hands rested on her upper arms, and she could immediately feel the warmth they held… The love he had for her.The feelings radiated from him and she needed to see him… To stare into those dizzying blue pools that held so much of the past, yet so much more of the future. Those incredible eyes that had looked upon her so many times before… For so many years in hatred, yet the sudden passion of love which befell them holding so much more strength and power over him. Again, she attempted to turn to him, but something held her back… Not so much physically, yet it was as if somehow she was already aware that he didn't want her to move…  
  
"Spike?" she whispered breathlessly, the twinge of pain in her soft voice evident.   
  
"Don't turn around, Love." he responded, his muscled arms moving to wrap loosely around her tiny waist.   
  
She reveled in his touch, leaning her head back against his chest and savoring their proximity to one another. It felt incredible… Finally being this close to him again, wrapped up in his strong embrace. All she wanted at that moment was to stay exactly the way they were until the end of time. It was so beautiful… So perfect…  
  
"Buffy… There's something coming… Something bad…" His voice was soft, almost… frightened? Did he really sound scared? This was new… and disarming. She had never known Spike to be afraid before. He was too strong… Too powerful. Fear could never penetrate him… Could it? "Promise me you'll keep him safe until I can… Promise me you'll keep yourself safe…"  
  
There it was. She had discovered his one and only weakness, and that was it… Her and their child. But the tone of his voice… It was horrifying. What was this thing? Spike knew she could take care of herself and, in the past, he had never once questioned that. And he never would have were it not something terribly dangerous. This had to be bad… What was it? Why was it after her and their child?  
  
"Spike, what is it? What's coming?"  
  
"Just wait for me… Don't give up on me. Not yet… Don't ever give up. I love you, Buffy. I love you both with everything that I am. I will protect you."  
  
"I know." she whispered. And she did. As long as she had him, nothing could touch her… Nothing. She was safe. Finally, she turned to face him. There he was… The most incredible man she had ever come into contact with. She loved him with all her heart and soul. Reaching up, she gently ran her soft fingertips over his accented jaw line, tracing his strong features. "I love you…"  
  
"I know." His whispered reply was soft and adoring… Somehow that tone seemed the very incarnation of everything she loved about him. As she stared deeply into his eyes, a light smile tugged at his lips.   
Bringing a hand up to caress her cheek, he slowly… tenderly, brought his lips to hers for one final, soft kiss…_  
  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
  
Buffy's eyes shot open when she heard the sudden wailing of the tiny baby at her bedside. He didn't like being alone. He hadn't since the day she'd given birth to him. And she couldn't blame him. What child did like being alone? Especially in Sunnydale. Actually, Buffy occasionally wondered if maybe he'd inherited some of her extra sensitive senses… Or maybe his fathers. He always got fussy when there was a demon near… But, for the most part, the only demon he'd ever been close to was Clem, and after a bit he'd realized that Clem wasn't a threat. In fact, now he adored him.   
  
Carefully, she gathered her son into her arms and rocked him gently. At that moment, a sudden, almost forgotten wave of contentment washed over her as she stood in the dark room, cradling her beautiful baby boy… Her miracle. Their miracle.   
  
When she let her eyes rest on him once more, the child was fast asleep. She smiled. She knew all it took for him to fall fast asleep was a little rocking, and this time had been no different. On any other night, she would have tucked him back in as soon as his eyes were once again closed so that she herself could get some much needed rest… But tonight, she simply couldn't bring herself to part with her child. The moment was just too perfect to let go… He was there… Spike was there. She could feel him. Every now and then, it would happen. She would feel him… His spirit. And tonight, he was watching over them tonight. There, in those moments, she felt warm… Completely safe and protected. It had been a long time since she'd felt that way, and she wanted to savor every second of it.   
  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
  
The next morning, Buffy awoke slowly to the sound of Dawn downstairs in the kitchen with Willow and Giles, and she smiled slightly at the sound. As soon as Giles had found out about Buffy's pregnancy, he had immediately come back to Sunnydale. Actually, they had tried to keep it from him for as long as possible before finally telling him. Everyone had know full well that he would grab the first flight out and come running back to Sunnydale the moment he found out. And he hadn't disappointed them. Though it had taken him awhile to get there due to bad weather conditions, he'd been there through a good portion of her pregnancy and it didn't look like he'd be going back anytime soon…  
  
Buffy was glad he was back, though. She'd missed having him around. After Spike had been killed, she'd felt incredibly alone. Of course, her friends had been there, but it was Giles who had always been there before… He'd been like a father to her, and when she'd lost Spike, she'd felt like she needed him there… But he hadn't been. Now he was and she was grateful. Not to mention the fact that it made her duties as Slayer a whole lot easier. With Giles there, she didn't have to worry so much about the others. He knew what he was doing, and he was quite a bit more educated in demonology than the rest of them were.   
  
The day she had found out for sure that she was pregnant, Buffy had stopped patrolling completely. During the seven months before she gave birth to William, the others had taken over for her, and really, they hadn't been doing too bad a job. In fact, they were getting to be pretty good at it. And they were still taking her place more than she wished they would. She was only allowed to patrol _with_ them two nights a week… Though she knew they were probably right about everything. They refused to let her go alone, half because she was incredibly sleep deprived, and half because she was now a mother and there was no way in hell they were going to let William grow up without her. So instead of risking it, they insisted on going with her _when_ they allowed her to go at all. And after awhile, she actually given up on arguing with them, and instead, she just gave in.  
  
If she was honest with herself, she knew they were right. She, too, was afraid that she'd be killed in battle _again_, and her son would be left without a mother… And she couldn't allow for that to happen… _ever_. Not with his father gone as well.  
  
After awhile, when she heard Xander and Anya arrive, Buffy decided it was about time she get up and get moving. Dragging herself out of bed, eyes still half out of focus due to weary, sleep deprived state, she quickly dressed before tying up her hair and moving to William's crib. Once she'd changed and dressed her son, she made her way downstairs; the baby nestled comfortably in her arms. When they finally entered the kitchen, she looked up to see everyone smiling brightly at her. Flashing one of her own, she slipped into the seat between Xander and Willow, cradling her son lovingly in her arms.  
  
"There they are!" Xander exclaimed cheerily as he carefully lifted William into his arms; rocking him slightly. "How ya feeling today?" He glanced back up at Buffy, his eyes full of concern. He knew she been a bit down recently… More from lack of sleep than anything, he figured, but it still worried him.  
  
"I'm okay…" she replied, smiling slightly at the happy, gurgling baby in Xander's arms. "But I do need to do some shopping and run some errands today. Could you guys maybe watch him for awhile?"  
  
"Sure thing, Buff." Xander agreed, nodding his approval. Still, his eyes held that same concern they had for weeks.   
  
"Thanks." she shot him another smile. Buffy knew they had every right to be worried, but really, things weren't half as bad now… Not three months ago, she had spent every night crying herself to sleep. Actually, that was probably more the fault of her overactive hormones at the time, but it had still been a very emotional time for her when it came to missing Spike. "And I really am okay." she reassured them all once more before running upstairs to shower and get ready for the rest of the day.  



	3. Chapter 2

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Disclaimer: It's not mine… Well, the story is, but the characters aren't…   
  
_Summary:_ Okay, this one's a little difficult to summarize, so bear with me... Somehow Spike was turned human. He's killed before anybody realizes it. Buffy... Well, if ya wanna know what happens to Buffy, you'll have to read... I'm not gonna give it *all* away...   
  
_Spoilers:_ None, really…  
  
_Rating:_ PG-13   
  
_Author's Notes:_ Hey look, it's chapter 3!!! I was home from school sick for 3 days this week, so I had a little time on my hands… Plus, "Lessons" made for some major inspiration… Okay, I'm just curious… Who else here was excessively happy when Buffy called Spike a hottie? Oh, and did ya hear how she said she was the one who "dated dead _guys_"? Dude, I flipped out… I swear to you, I started giggling like an idiot, and my mom's sitting next to me, asking the stupidest questions she could ever possibly think up, and she thought I'd gone insane… It was great… Except for the fact that she refused to shut up through the whole damn thing, and I was stuck explaining every tiny little detail through the entire episode. I mean, she _knew_ we were gonna be watching it every morning for the next week… Anyway, I'm done babbling now… Thanks for your reviews, by the way…  
  
_Distribution:_ If ya want it, take it, just give me credit… And, if ya could, let me know where it's going.   
  
_Feedback:_ You can send it to brock3005@aol.com or otownfan1520@yahoo.com.   
  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
  
**Chapter 2:**  
  
  
  
  
"Where do you think she could be?"   
  
It was obvious that Willow was more than just a little concerned. Buffy had left just a little after noon that morning, and sunset had already come and gone. There was no way Buffy would've gone out and stayed away for _that_ long, had nothing happened. Since she'd given birth to Will, the Slayer hadn't let her son out of her sight for more than an hour at a time… And even then, she'd only been in the next room. Never once had she left the house without him and stayed away anywhere near as long as she had been gone this time… Everyone was worried. She could see it. And they had every right to be.  
  
"I'm sure she just went out for a little Buffy time. She hasn't had a second to herself in months." Xander replied, shrugging it off as best he could… It wasn't working and he knew it. They were all worried… Not to mention confused. "What'd you think it is that's been bothering her so much."  
  
"I don't know. She's been really down lately. Worse even than when we brought her back… Which is pretty bad. I think it might have something to do with Spike, though." Willow was tracing the top of her coffee mug with her index finger, her expression contemplating. "She was really hurt by it, ya know? I mean, I get why you're trying to avoid it and all, it's just… Maybe you should try not talk down on him when she's around. You're always making cracks about how he was evil and bad and a killer… It may be true, but I don't think she saw him that way, Xander. He did more to help her through the whole resurrection thing than any of us ever even tried to. I think maybe she saw the man behind the monster… And I think that's what hurt her. Losing him. Maybe if you'd stop with all the barbs it would help to get her back into the swing of things. Ya know, help her be a better mom; a better Slayer… A better Buffy."   
  
"I rather think Willow may be right…" Giles agreed, stepping into the conversation. "It does seem as though Buffy was able to see through the demon Spike had become and she started to recognize the man within. And he did mean something to her. I believe he always has."  
  
"Why am I the only one here who gets the fact that Spike _wasn't_ a man. He was _evil_, _soulless_, a _killer_… There was no man in there. And now he's gone. We're all the better for it."  
  
His voice spit venom and Dawn wanted nothing more than to gouge out his eyes and shove them down his throat. Unfortunately, she had William in her arms, and she was quite sure that would've been a scene that would've damaged her nephew for life. She'd been seated at the table, beside Willow, through the entire conversation, and Xander was really starting to piss her off…  
  
And apparently William wasn't all too happy about it either because it didn't take long for the child to start wailing at the top of his lungs. Dawn wasn't exactly sure why he was so unsettled. There seemed to be some sort of reason for his sudden outburst, but she didn't know what it could be. She just assumed he'd felt the tension in the room, or it was possible that the tone in Xander's voice had been just hostile enough to shake him up a bit. All Dawn could do was turn her attention back to the baby in her arms. If she were to say anything in those moments, she was sure she would've exploded and William hated yelling. It scared him… There was a lot that scared him, actually. And really, Dawn couldn't say that she was surprised. They _did_ live on the hell mouth, after all…  
  
"Xander, please stop." Dawn begged as she rocked William gently. "You're upsetting him. Could we just save this till later? If he gets all worked up now, he'll never get to sleep. So lets just hold off for a bit… Deal?"  
  
"Whatever." Xander shook his head, his anger about reaching the breaking point. The 'man' in question had hurt the people he loved… More than once, in fact. He wasn't about to just let that go. Spike was evil. He always had been, and he always would be. A couple of noble deeds didn't tip the scale. Maybe if he'd been a fledgling or something it'd be different… But that wasn't the case. Spike was a master vampire. One of the most feared monsters to ever walk the earth. Spike, William the Bloody, Scourge of Europe, the Big Bad, Slayer of Slayers… He'd killed hundreds upon thousand of people in his time, and Xander wasn't about to let _anyone_ forget about it. "No, ya know what? I'm not gonna stop. How can I? What are you people? Blind? The guy was a murderer! A vampire! Why is it that nobody but me sees that just because he helped us out a couple times, that doesn't make him part of the team?! It doesn't make him good, or noble, or anything other than evil!"  
  
William's sobs grew louder and Dawn hugged him closer to her. "Yes it does." Dawn stated firmly, though her voice was quiet as she tried her best sooth the child in her arms; her hand rubbing in strong, comforting circles on his back. "It makes him better than any of us could ever be. Spike, the big bad vampire overcame his nature; his instinct… Why? Because he loved my sister. He loved her and he would die before he hurt her. He let Glory torture him for hours, and if you guys hadn't shown up when you had, he would've let her kill him. All to protect me and my sister. And then, when she died… When we all saw her lifeless body lying there on the ground… Which one of us was the first to break down? Spike. He didn't care that we all saw him. He didn't care that he was supposed to be thrilled that she was finally dead. All he could feel was the pain. The very same pain we all felt. And after that, he took care of me. He took care of me, and he made sure that nothing ever happened to any of you. All because he felt like he'd let her down that night at the tower. All because he wasn't willing to break that promise again. We all know he would've welcomed the sun, had he not needed to keep that promise for her… He died to keep her safe… Gave his life to keep her out of harms way… Because he loved her."  
  
Tears were streaming down Dawn's cheeks, and William was still crying; though he had calmed a bit. Xander remained silent. Willow wanted to strangle him for doing that to them. Dawn, too, had been hit hard by Spike's death. It had torn her up inside, and Willow knew it… But Dawn had been doing her best to hide it. Willow knew that the girl was just trying to be strong for her sister. If the both of them had slipped into that same state of depression which Buffy had been floating back and forth from for the past eight months, they probably wouldn't have made it through.   
  
"Listen, guys, I told Laura I'd stay over at her place tonight, and I've kinda gotta get going. I told her I'd be there by eight." Dawn told them as she handed William, who was finally starting to settle, over to Willow. It was only a little after seven, and Laura's house was just down the street, but she really needed to get out of there.   
  
"Would you like me to drive, Dawn?" Giles offered, his eyes apologetic. He had never been Spike's biggest fan, but after Buffy had died and he had seen Spike's breakdown, his opinion had been vastly altered. Instead of seeing the vampire as an evil, soulless thing, he had begun to see him as nothing more than a man in love… A man who had fought the odds and come out on top. On the side of good. Spike deserved something for that… Something that was a lot more than what Xander was offering.  
  
"Nah, it's alright. I'm good." she replied, grabbing her jacket and then moving back to Willow's side. Resting a hand on the child's cheek, she leaned down to place a gentle kiss on his forehead. Once she had straightened back up, she didn't make a move to leave. Instead she just stood staring down at him thoughtfully, her finger now clutched firmly in his tiny hand. "Ya know, he actually looks a lot like Spike."   
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy wandered aimlessly through one of Sunnydale's many cemeteries; twirling her stake in one hand, almost unaware of the action. Once again, she was lost in deep thought. Just as she had been for weeks. There was so much going on in her mind… So much she couldn't explain. She needed to find some answers. The dreams had been driving her crazy. They weren't just typical dreams. He was trying to contact her. She could feel it. But why?   
  
Tonight she hadn't exactly come to the cemetery for a usual round of patrolling. She was looking for someone… Anyone who could give her some answers. Actually, she didn't know why she was there… Or why it had to be this night… All she knew was that she had a feeling. She didn't know what it meant, or why it was there, but she felt it. It was that feeling that had driven her there… Dragged her tired body from the comfort of her home and through dozens of demon haunts and cemeteries. She _had_ to find someone, _anyone_ who could put to rest some of the haunting questions that plagued her troubled mind. Only problem was, she no longer knew who to turn to… Who was there now? For so long Spike had been the one she'd turned to. Her informant; her colleague… Her friend. Hell, he'd even been her lover. Now he wasn't there, and she was lost… It was all so strange without him there beside her; helping her… Loving her.  
  
She had to figure out what was going on. Why was he trying to contact her? What was he trying to tell her? She needed to know…   
  
Sighing deeply, Buffy dropped down onto one of the gravestones. There was nothing here tonight. No vampires, no demons… No one who could help her sort things out. In the very least, she'd been hoping for something, anything that could take her mind off of her constant thoughts of Spike.  
  
Normally, a quiet night in the Sunnydale cemetery would've thrilled her, but not now… Not tonight. Not with her mind constantly finding it's way back to him. Why was there nothing to do? Nothing to slay? That really would've been nice. A distraction… A wonderfully evil distraction. Slaying could clear her head; stop her from thinking… Even if it was only for a little while. She needed that now… Needed to be free of her thoughts for just a little while. Every time she thought of him, her heart would split in two, and he was _all_ she could think about.   
  
Again, a sigh escaped her lips; this time sad and drawn out rather than frustrated. Sitting there, alone in the cemetery, she began to realize just how incredibly exhausted she truly was. If only there was a fight to be had… Some sort of evil to sort out. But there was nothing. And in those moments, she was missing him more than ever…  
  
And there were the thoughts again. The constant, non-stop memories of the love she had once known, but had never allowed herself to admit to… Until it was too late. And now she was left regretting her actions. He had been so incredible… Everything about him was amazing… And it was exactly that fact that made her miss him more than anything.  
  
All she really wanted were answers, but as the minutes ticked by, she began to realize that she wasn't going to get them… Not tonight anyway. And William was at home waiting for her. He needed her, and right now, she needed him just as much. He was her son… _Their_ son. Their miracle. And now, with his father gone, William was her life.  
  
Besides, she was tired and she really needed to get home and get some serious rest. But then, she knew that it never meant ridding her mind of him… Not even for the slightest fraction of a second. Then again, maybe she really didn't want it to stop… No, she knew she didn't. If she stopped thinking about him… even for a moment… She was afraid that she'd begin to forget. The thought terrified her. She needed to remember everything. Every last memory she had of him… Every memory she'd made with him…   
  
She loved him. She needed him. And she couldn't lose him… Not now, not ever…   


~*~*~*~

Important Note: This will be the last story I ever post on ff.net… I'll probably take the time to add one final chapter to _Always Consequences_, but when that's done, I won't be back… At least not until there're some changes made to this site. Though I don't typically read it, aside from a few choice, well written stories with well developed plots, I'm outraged by the removal of NC-17 material. It's not fair to the authors of these stories… They have just as much right as everyone else to have their work read. Not to mention the removal of the musical group fics, of which I myself write… As of now, I'm in the process of moving my works to Buffy/Spike Central, so if you're still interested in reading them, that's where they'll be. Oh, and they're under the penname _Lissa_. Also, if I ever get any members, I'll be sending them out on my yahoo group. If anyone's interested in that, the link's in my ff.net profile, and I'll put it in below as well. Sorry to inconvenience you…

~*~Melissa~*~

K.T.B.S.P.A.

Buffy/Spike central: **http://cgi.carnal-sins.net/bscentral/**

My yahoo group: **http://groups.yahoo.com/group/everynight/ **


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